As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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