So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
