Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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