Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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