i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
