The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
