I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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