You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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