Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize