I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
