Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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