Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
