Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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