Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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