Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
