hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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