I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
