just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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