May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
