So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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