I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
