my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
