this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
