I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
