shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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