It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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