so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize