i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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