I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
