question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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