did you get engaged???
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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