would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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