I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
