Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize