I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
