friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
