dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
