I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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