I feel like abortions should bother me more
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
