Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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