i was born a porn star she said
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
