I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
