She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
