i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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