Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
