I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
