Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
