I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
