I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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