if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
