I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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