She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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