You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
