Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
