Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
