I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dude. I can hear the air.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
