you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize