I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
