Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize