So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
