just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
