my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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