I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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