Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
