You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
