Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
