so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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