i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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